Doing unto others is a codependent obsession. It’s time to take a break.

As a codependent, you are always on the lookout to help other people, assist them, or earn their praise. You put yourself into their shoes, decide what they need, and treat them as though they were you.

In reality, however, you have just engaged in mind-reading, identified in someone a need of your own, and acted in your own best interest. When you do unto others, you usually give people what you need.

How do you know how to help? Asking produces amazing results.

If you see someone who may need help with something, ask them, “Can I help?” If they seem like the stubborn type, make it casual, and avoid the word “help.” For example, “Can I give you a hand?”

If you are new to the workforce or want to show initiative at your job, ask your boss how you can make their job easier. If they want your help, they will tell you. If they don’t want your help, assume they are being honest when they say so, and leave it at that.

If someone looks like they need to talk, enter those situations on your own terms. Start the invitation to talk with an upcoming obligation or time limit (establishing a boundary).

For example: “I have to get home in about twenty minutes, but I’ll be happy to listen if you want to get anything off your chest.”

Stay anchored to your boundary, and leave when it’s the appropriate time for you.