The point of boundary enforcement is not to gain total control of your relationships, but to set healthy limits on what transpires within them.

Once a little success is felt, it is not uncommon to make the mistake of putting everyone you know in their place, declaring that self-care is a priority and everyone has a right to decide how they get treated. While you may be right, you will also sound like a self-righteous asshole. It isn’t healthy, and you will attract the wrong kind of new friends.

It is not uncommon for people to become spoiled by their trauma. When a person goes through a very difficult time, they often gain closure by promising themselves to never go through anything similar again.

This can create a situation in which a person absolutely, positively refuses to tolerate any version of a prior experience, even if others would consider it a normal part of life, like frustration, boredom, scarcity, and people being human.

For example, say you set the superboundary to never be talked down to by another man again. Then you end up with a boss who has occasional bad days. On one such bad day, they say something that triggers you, and instead of understanding that everyone has bad days, especially stressed-out bosses, you explode.

You enforce your superboundary, yell your head off, and quit. This is not the behavior of a recovered person and does not reflect a healthy relationship with boundaries.

It is better to save superboundaries for your most intimate relationships and have them for things like lying, cheating, violence, and in-laws.