If you were responsible for approving your best friend’s new relationships, you would choose them very carefully. You would select good influences, supportive voices, and people who have their act together. They would be models of good health and self-respect who express their emotions with calm.

Ideally, these people would all have prioritized their physical and mental health, enforce boundaries, and love themselves. Since you are your best friend, and the person in charge of your care, being highly selective about whom you allow into your life, or your emotional world, will become your new normal.

Eventually, some existing relationships in your life will be renegotiated. Boundaries are impersonal, and they don’t require an explanation. If you create space or enforce a boundary with someone, and they ask you for your reasons, you don’t have to provide one. Should you choose to, you can blame the rule rather than them.

Instead of saying, “I don’t like it when you rage at me,” you can say, “I don’t raise my voice to anyone out of anger, and no one is going to do so to me.”

If you have been putting up with something that you know is wrong, or that makes you feel insecure, you now have the tools to empower your choice.

Actually write down how you want to feel in your next relationship. Once you are comfortable with your final draft, start writing down rules that will protect those future feelings.

Here are a few suggestions: