Society is medicine. Nothing will cause a codependent to get hijacked by unhealthy behaviors more quickly than loneliness. So you must take daily, active measures to make contact with the outside world. Be social. It is the greatest insurance against finding yourself worried if someone likes you without any thought as to whether or not you like them.

Oxytocin is a powerful hormone. It is responsible for the ability to trust, the experience of attachment security, and comfort with talking about emotions. No wonder then that gossiping increases oxytocin as well. Just being in the same room as someone else increases levels of oxytocin, and the more intimacy you share with that person, the more oxytocin you feel.

What happens when you go from a low oxytocin existence to having the full attention of someone you have romantic feelings for? Your kaleidoscope gets hijacked. If instead, you develop a robust social life with a constant, healthy flow of oxytocin between mature, platonic friends, you will see a new crush as one of many options, and be able to make a healthy, rational assessment of their appropriateness for enmeshment into your life.

In the meantime, you can help provide oxytocin for yourself in any number of ways. Eggs, bananas, and peppers are high-oxytocin foods, and sleeping under weighted blankets may be able to help. Orgasms raise levels quite a bit, which only further incentivizes those in recovery to focus on pleasing themselves. You could also meditate, or practice martial arts.

As for your social life, being part of two or more social groups dramatically reduces your chances of developing Alzheimer’s disease, contributes healthy structure to your routine, and gets you out of the house. It may feel awkward as hell at first, but if you are polite and decide to do more listening than talking, you will be well on your way to an authentic personality geared to absorb wisdom and act with kind reserve.