If you see any of these behaviors in yourself or another person, it may not be intentional, but they are designed to activate insecurities and exercise control.
1. Love-Bombing
2. Withdrawal. – Not picking up the phone when you call. Giving one-word answers to questions.
3. “Pity-me” statements, stories, or behavior. Anything that announces their victimhood.
4. Intense, pleading eye contact.
5. Instant intimacy – impulsive, generous, possibly risky sex.
6. Gaslighting – insisting that reality is something else. Complex lying.
7. Threats of leaving (abandonment).
8. Explaining their behavior to be other than what it is.
9. Demeaning statements about oneself. “I’m ugly, fat, boring, worthless, washed up.”
10. Suicidal overtures. Do not ignore this. Always immediately involve a family member or call 911.
11. Cheating.
12. Guilt.
13. Violence – physical or psychological, followed by deep affection after they’ve broken you.
14. Blackmail – actual or emotional. “If you don’t answer my 50 texts a day, I’ll never talk to you again.”
15. Always involving you in their emotional crises (drama with family, friends, work, themselves, you).
16. Regular physical, emotional, and social complaints that confirm their victimhood.
17. Asking for help with impossibly simple tasks. (Microwaving a hot dog, navigating their hometown, putting on their socks).
18. Giving long, theatrical compliments about how you changed their lives.
19. Socially inappropriate self-disclosures.
20. Taking nonsense, “heroic” risks and/or burning out on purpose.
21. Accusing you of having secret judgments about them being crazy, lazy, inferior, etc.
22. High-Roading. “I’m always honest, so I won’t bother you anymore if you think I’m not.”
23. Isolation – “But you’re the only one who knows that I…” “You’re the only one I’ve ever…” “You’re the only one who…” “You’re the only one.”